Forgive and Forget

....... Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.......

Why is this so much more easily said than done? God is so quick to forgive our sins, and accept that we are not perfect. So why is it so difficult for us to do the same thing when we are wronged? I dealt with a not so nice boss a few years ago. And for the 2 years I worked with her, I complained about her to everyone I could. The stuff that she did, the way she acted, huh, well it was unforgivable. And all I wanted to do was get her to see how she acted affected others. Hoping she would change. Maybe that's why I didn't forgive her, because I knew if she could only see it, and change it, it would be so much better. But it never happened, and I just continued to complain. Only until I was talking to another level headed Christian - my therapist - did I change how I thought. She said, "You know, it sounds like she has some insecurity issues. She has low self esteem, and isn't positive she thinks she is the person for the job. So she's putting up a front." So now I can understand why she always jumped back and argued about everything, she feared if she was proved wrong, everyone would see that she isn't quite sure about what she's doing. And it made sense. And the way she dressed, and clung to her possessions as if they were the world to her, it's because she thinks those things will make others like her. I've since forgiven her, and now understand that if she is to change, it's not up to me to make her see it. It can only come from with in. So now instead of complaining about her, I pray for her. And I can see that it wasn't anything personally against me, or anyone else here. The way she acts isn't necessarily excusable, but it's forgiveable because there is a personal reason for her acting as she did.

If we could only realize this about every person we come across. If someone has wronged you, usually it's a personal reason and not typically because they have it out for you. The co-worker who steps on you to climb up the corporate ladder, or the bully that pushes you in school. The co-worker doesn't think they have the skills or knowledge to move up with out pushing others down, it's not because they want to see you fail. Or the bully is really only doing it because they want others to like them, and are afraid their real self isn't good enough, so they push others down to make themselves look better.

Forgive them, yes it wasn't the "Godly" thing to do, but "God" will take care of that in the end.  YOU be the best person you can be, and know that even though this person is trying to push you down, your light still shines through.  They can't take that away from you - and it will overcome everything in the end.  So next time you are hurt by someone else, repeat the lords prayer, and tell yourself, God has forgiven my sins, I can forgive them.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

I know everything we do or say can only truly be judged by one being.  And it really shouldn't matter what others think or say about us.  But if unknowingly we say something that hurts another person - as if that was meant for that person but in reality was meant for everyone including yourself.  Is it the same kind of thing?  If we go on spouting out things that hurt others; that we know in our hearts, isn't trying to hurt others and is actually meant to help others; but comes out wrong.  And if we're oblivious to that fact; does that make us a bad person?  I don't think it makes us a bad person if we're oblivious to it.  But if all of the sudden we find out what we say or do hurts someone accidentally, and we again say, it doesn't matter, I'm only trying to please God, what then?

I guess my example is this.  I've been playing dodge ball on Wednesdays with a group.  At a center where many underprivileged people come to stay out of trouble.  And I usually come in, in my work clothes, sometimes all dressed up, and looking a little "prissy".  Prissy white girl is I guess how I'd put it.  Then I go into the bathroom and change into my work out clothes.  I never really knew how it looked to the people there, until last Wednesday.  When the lady at the front counter says, "Oh it's the Dodge ball diva, she always comes in straight from work, dressed up in her Gucci and Prada, pearls and heels, goes into the bathroom and changes into her work out clothes, and comes back out acting like one of us, all ready to play dodge ball." 

Does it really look that bad?  Do I really portray that to them?  I don't want them to feel like that, or make them feel bad.   It's not that I'm walking in like that to show off I have more, or trying to show I'm better than them because I have to dress nice for work.  It's just convenient for me to change there.  And really, I'm just like them in so many ways, I struggle some weeks to come up with the $ to pay for dodge ball, and I had to work for what I do have.  But does it make me a bad person to continue on and change there even though I know how they feel?  Because the only one who can judge me is God, right? Or do I stop changing there, to make another human feel better?  When the bible clearly states, that it is wrong to strive to please others, and instead we should strive to please the Lord.  But if I continue on; knowing what I am doing is accidentally making others feel bad; because I say I'm just trying to please God, isn't that a little selfish?  And am I not just thinking about myself?

You can say I'm completely stupid, or think my way of thinking is wrong.  But that's just one part of the bible, and it only applies to certain aspects of our lives.  If you focus on one piece of the bible, and say this is how it is, you are missing soooo much!!  Just because yes you should strive to please the Lord instead of your peers, doesn't mean you should forget about everything else in the bible!  What about trying to be a good person, or loving others as we love ourselves, or treating everyone equal?  We may not be able to follow everything in the bible exactly as its said every time, but should actually use our judgements as to what's more important, and pray to God for the knowledge to know what's more important.  I think the bottom line is, as long as God is part of your life, and affects the decisions you make, you can never make the wrong decision.

God's Will

So this post probably isn't going to be the words of wisdom kind of post I've done in the past; its going to play off my previous post a bit.  I've decided I want to do something big to help people out.  But I can't seem to figure it out.  But I've decided I'm going to let it be in God's hands, and he'll show me the way.

So let's go back to last Friday, Sept. 3rd, its the first Friday of the month, and the local Christian radio station, KTIS - 98.5 http://www.ktis.fm/, has this thing called the "Drive Through Difference".  You go through the drive through, paying for the person behind you, and leave the cashier a little note to give to them saying, you hope it made their day, and it was just something you wanted to do.  The official day for it is the first Friday of every month.  So I decided I would do it again.  I don't know what it is, or if I'm doing it wrong or whatever, but it seems that everytime I do it, it seems to throw the cashier off. They don't know what to do, and have to ask the manager to make sure its okay.  Well last Friday was no different.  So it took a little longer than normal.  And apparently the guy behind me (the one I was paying for) was impatient and decided to go around me to the second window ahead of me.  Oh well didn't work out as well as I had wanted, but whatever, not a big loss.  But I thought since they always say how they like to hear about peoples experiences with it, and since mine was an interesting one I thought I would call in and tell them my story.  When I got into work I get on the website and am trying to find the number I need to call, and I see the link for "I can help Twin Cities".  Basically a spot that lists all of the organizations in the Twin Cities you could volunteer at and what you can do for them.  I alwasy told myself it was something I needed to look at to see what I could do, but just never got around to doing it and I didn't this time either.  But I told myself I would come back at lunch time and check it out.  Lunch time came around and went to write a blog post, (my previous one) and I look up the "Jesus Delivers" place and find on the top of their website, it says "We are a member of I can help Twin Cities".  How could I not take that hint?  God had placed it directly before me and basically said, here this is what I want you to do.  So I e-mailed one of the guys in charge over there to see what I could do.  And well, on the 18th I'm going to be volunteering, cooking food, handing it and clothes out to the homeless, and helping clean up afterwards.  I don't know whats going to happen with it, or where I'm going to go from here, but God has put it before me and it's pretty obvious this is what he wants me to do.  Don't you wish all of our choices and decisions could be this easy?

Learning From Our Mistakes

So there's so many things I want to talk about today, because it's been a while since I've posted, and may things have happened.  But I am going to try and keep this short and just add the rest another day.

Two days ago, a co-worker gave me a great idea for me to move up in my job and career and help out another co-worker at the same time.  The problem with it was if I did it wrong or said it wrong it may come across as me wanting to take advantage of that co-workers situation, and use her misfortune to benefit myself.  Which of course, was not the situation at all, I wanted to help her and I guess in turn sort of help myself.  So I ask around, sent a few trustworthy co-workers an e-mail asking how they thought I should go about it.  And then I went outside to give my husband a call to ask him what he thought.  And just before calling him, a delivery truck/van drove by and on the side it said "Jesus Delivers".  And normally I would sit on the picnic table outside, where you can't really see the road, but this time; for some reason; I decided I would sit on the ledge of the docking bay, facing the highway.  It was as if God placed me there so I would see the truck.

Fast forward to that night, I still hadn't really gotten any advice that I thought was good enough to come across to the boss as I wanted it to.  And then it kind of clicked, I knew how to bring it up to him.  So yesterday; (Thursday) I had every intention of talking to my boss about it that morning, but my nerves got the best of me, and ended up putting it off, at least until that afternoon. 

So shortly after a meeting got done that afternoon (I had typed up exactly what I wanted to say earlier) and I was reading through it again, try to work up the nerve to talk to him and over walks my boss.  "Hey, you got a little time, I need to talk to you about something."  "Yeap no problem" I say, and we head into a conference room.  He proceeds to talk to me about two different options I had to move up in my job here.  One being a new program, they needed people to learn it and then teach it to others, and be an administrator for it.  (I'd done this kind of thing before here with a different program, and I was a logical choice for this.)  And the second one being the same thing I was going to go to him about!  We both had the same idea!  Of course I jumped on the second choice.  And the truck from the day before suddenly made so much sense!

God has plans for all of us, and usually if we are watching he'll show us how to get from point "A" to "B".  Sometimes we'll hear and see the hints and signs he gives us.  But I don't know if we really listen to them.  If; after seeing the truck; I would have just stopped and said, okay, obviously God has a plan for this, leave it up to him and he'll show me the way."  I would have saved myself all that stress and my cuticles from the pain my obsessive nail biting has caused.  I knew the moment I saw that truck it was a sign, and I admit I felt relieved.  But I continued to do it my own way, and I didn't let God into my life and give myself fully to him, trusting in him that he will give me the things I need.  I didn't listen to him.  Just like a child when a parent says, "Don't touch the stove, it's hot you'll burn yourself." Or "Don't do that you are going to hurt yourself."  And then moments later the child is heard crying in pain running to the parent.  It's not that the child didn't trust them, or believe them, it was that they were curious, and just needed proof they could do it.  But alas, we learn from doing and we learn from our mistakes.  God gives us the gifts we need to do what he has set out for us, and many times expects us to fail or not do it completely right.  But He is right there for us when we can't do it ourselves, and helps us finish what we started. And  just as the parent is there for the child (hopefully in most cases) and say that its okay, and they'll be fine, he's there to comfort us.  So my eyes and ears are open God, show me the way, what's next?

Oh and by the way; I did figure out what exactly the truck was from, you can see the picture of one of the trucks above - the one I saw looked a little different.  It is a food ministry delivering food for the homeless and everyone struggling in the St. Paul, MN area.  Here is their website; http://www.jesusdelivers.info/  I'll definitely be donating to them; maybe you will too.